I saw recently on my daily tear-off calendar a quote from Pythagoras, he said; “The oldest shortest words – ‘yes’ and ‘no’, are those which require the most thought”. Now that gave me something to think about, and I realised how true it is. Learning to say ‘no’, is one of the hardest life lessons that one learns. Learning to stop people-pleasing is so important. Also, that the motive for doing so is in alignment with that which serves one’s higher self and not one’s ego is crucial. From a very early age we are people-pleasing… we try to please our parents; otherwise, we are chastised. We then go into systems where we try to please our teachers, professors, and bosses. We are all the time seeking to please others; family, friends, colleagues, neighbours…. it is rampant within our society that we seek approval and love outside of ourselves. We are all the time focusing on pleasing the ‘other’ outside of ourselves, never saying no. Too afraid to say no, too afraid to be disapproved of and left behind by the pack and by society. We live in fear most of the time, and we don’t even realise it. One thinks ‘Oh I must do this’ or ‘I should do that’, or else X will be upset… we are all the time creating and causing dis-ease within ourselves just by not saying that small word ‘no’. It is not our fault, as we are sadly conditioned like that from the day we are born. Our parents want us to smile to please themselves or to show off the bonny baby to others. Never were we allowed much just to be who we wanted to be or feel. We smile to please others all the time; from morning to night we wear masks like we are at a masquerade ball. It is tiring, it is exhausting trying to keep up the people pleasing, trying to show that we are ‘good’ people. We foolishly think that by pleasing the ego of another somehow they will love us more, not even realising that we are not loving and are only dishonouring ourselves in the process. All that permanently pleasing others achieves is the further growth of their already over-inflated ego, it is like permitting them to continue to use you like a doormat. By respecting oneself we show others how to treat us. Remember, too that our reality/life is a reflection of our interiority. So, the more love and respect we give to ourselves, the more of the same will manifest exteriorly for us. Last time I spoke about self-love, and is time that we let go of the masks of trying to be who we are not. Letting go of the fear of a rebuff and fear of rejection is not always easy, yet, when we need to we must put our needs and desires ahead of others’ expectations. Learning to say no is not easy, learning to express our true feelings is going to keep us in a healthier state of being. Learning to love oneself and to stop seeking approval from outside of ourselves is the most important thing that we will ever do. It is why so many marriages fail; people do not love themselves in the first place, instead, seeking it from outside of themselves, and having false expectations of others. There is a reason that on the aeroplane we are told to put on our life masks first before we put it on others. There is logic in that and the same is true of life. Learning to say no (or yes if the case may be), is learning to un-learn, all that we have been taught. it is a new way of looking at life. It is learning to let go and to see ourselves as we truly are, as individualised parts of the wholeness of God. Not as people pleasing sheep, with no mind of our own. We are unique expressions of divine consciousness, so be that. Drop the masks, and seek who you truly are, and not who others want us to be, or what we feel we ‘should’ be. Be your divine self and love it.
Blessings,
